Couples Therapy

Too many couples struggle for months and even years feeling unfulfilled in relating to each other. Perhaps having the same fights over and over again with no resolve or finding themselves stuck in a dynamic of arguing that gets out of control and unnecessarily nasty.
Perhaps sex is getting boring and routine…or non-existent. You may be feeling more like roommates than lovers, and wanting more connection, passion and safety in the dynamic. It might feel like you always come last on your partner’s list of priorities, lack trust and openness- or you feel lonely in the dynamic together. This is when most people seek out couples counselling, however it is a myth that there needs to be any ” problems’ in a relationship to decide as a couple to work on connection and intimacy together. 

The earlier a couple decides to learn to communicate together, the faster and better the ‘relating: becomes. It can be easy, and even fun, once you begin the process together.

Couples Counseling works well when two people in a relationship have decided they want to ” relate” to each other better. They are both looking for more intimacy, passion, safety and connection but are not sure just how to get it. Marriage counselling is often sought out after many years of disconnection, as a last resort, but even then, with some strong ready to use communication tools, breakthroughs for any couple are possible- and probable if both people are committed to the process. 

What most of us don’t realize is that we are often stuck in patterns in our relating that were created long before our romantic relationships even started. Harville Hendrix describes this phenomenon as the : Imago: “the unconscious image of familiar love.” Through this unconscious dynamic we tend to find ourselves in patterns whereby our frustrations in adult relationships somehow parallel those of early childhood experiences.

Couples tend to run into difficulty because they get stuck in these unconscious, negative patterns of interaction that become rigid and take on a life of their own. Therapy for couples can help identify these patterns or cycles, and the emotions that lead each partner to approach and react to the other in ways that keep the cycle going. This understanding can then be used to help the partners avoid these cycles and find ways of relating that allow them to have a closer, more intimate connection. Whether you have been together for months, or years and are married with kids or still in the honey moon phase, learning how to communicate well in couples counselling can be instrumental for a long lasting, intimate and joyful relating experience.

As a team, we work to identify the conflicts you as a couple are experiencing, the “ Imago” patterning that can be undone through a simple dialogue and how you can better express to each other what you need in the relationship. Making the decision to work on your relationship and change your thinking as a couple is the first step to long term intimacy, safety, passion and connection.